anxiety

Anyone who has ever suffered from anxiety can actually

feel it momentarily just hearing the word...

 Anxiety. 

 You hear it and something inside your core remembers and feels that sinking, painful, fearful and worrisome feeling deep down inside.  When I hear it, the first thing that comes to mind is suffering.  Suffering in my mind, and in my thoughts... heart pounding restlessness.  It happens when circumstances are completely out of our control.  We are doing everything we can humanly do to change or improve our situation and it is not enough.  Things aren't looking too good.  As Christians, we have a choice to make in this moment.  Will we choose to get distant and angry with God for not stepping in and changing things yet?  Or will we submit to his authority anyway?  Not only submit to his authority... but will we stand upon his promises?  You see, we have been given great and precious promises from the Almighty God himself.  We are not supposed to just merely exist somehow... we are meant to overcome.  In this world we will have trouble, but we can take heart in the fact that... our savior has already overcome this world.  If we are not spending time in his word, we are unaware of his great and precious promises and we lose the power that he has already given us.  We lose the power to use his very own words in our prayers so that they are powerful and effective to create change. 

This morning I was extremely exhausted.  I have had a hard week at work.  I have worked and worked as hard as I could and hardly sold a thing.  In sales, this is a seriously bad thing.  You see, the month is halfway over already and I am running out of time.  I need to perform.  If I do not perform, I am of no use to my employer.  That is just how it is.  That is the business world.  This is usually where my anxiety creeps in.  This is when I would normally get sleepless nights, my mind racing full of thoughts about what I could have done differently, or what more I can do to change what is happening right now.  How will we pay our bills if I don't perform? 

So back to this morning... I was exhausted.  I had a back ache, a head ache and my whole body felt as if I had been hit by a mack truck.  But guess who wasn't tired? 

My little ball of energy, Mikayla.

"Mommy, you need to wake up!  Who's gonna feed me breakfast Mommy?  Papi is not home yet, you need to feed me breakfast, I'm starving!!!"  O.k. seriously, she ate dinner last night, she is being a little dramatic.  Nonetheless, like a zombie, I walked to the kitchen and poured her a bowl of cereal just to get her to stop bothering me!!!  I drank my coffee and watched her eat and remembered a bible story I had just read the day before...

"Then Jesus said to them, “Suppose you have a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have no food to offer him.’ And suppose the one inside answers, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children and I are in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything.’  I tell you, even though he will not get up and give you the bread because of friendship, yet because of your shameless audacity he will surely get up and give you as much as you need.  “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?  If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”  -Luke 11:5-13

What if all of the energy we wasted worrying and

being anxious about our problems was spent

bothering God about them with shameless audacity instead? 

I know it sounds crazy to say, "bothering God".  He is not bothered by our prayers, in fact he actually yearns for us to seek him in every situation.  My point is... instead of looking to ourselves and not finding the answer... we could project our fears and worries to the only one who does have the power and authority to save us. 

David did that very thing many times throughout the Psalms...

Psalm 22

 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
    Why are you so far from saving me,
    so far from my cries of anguish?
² My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
    by night, but I find no rest.^[b]

³ Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
    you are the one Israel praises.^[c]
4 In you our ancestors put their trust;
    they trusted and you delivered them.
⁵ To you they cried out and were saved;
    in you they trusted and were not put to shame.

⁶ But I am a worm and not a man,
    scorned by everyone, despised by the people.
⁷ All who see me mock me;
    they hurl insults, shaking their heads.
⁸ “He trusts in the Lord,” they say,
    “let the Lord rescue him.
Let him deliver him,
    since he delights in him.”

⁹ Yet you brought me out of the womb;
    you made me trust in you, even at my mother’s breast.
¹⁰ From birth I was cast on you;
    from my mother’s womb you have been my God.

¹¹ Do not be far from me,
    for trouble is near
    and there is no one to help.

¹² Many bulls surround me;
    strong bulls of Bashan encircle me.
¹³ Roaring lions that tear their prey
    open their mouths wide against me.
¹⁴ I am poured out like water,
    and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
    it has melted within me.
¹⁵ My mouth^[d] is dried up like a potsherd,
    and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
    you lay me in the dust of death.

¹⁶ Dogs surround me,
    a pack of villains encircles me;
    they pierce^[e] my hands and my feet.
¹⁷ All my bones are on display;
    people stare and gloat over me.
¹⁸ They divide my clothes among them
    and cast lots for my garment.

¹⁹ But you, Lord, do not be far from me.
    You are my strength; come quickly to help me.
²⁰ Deliver me from the sword,
    my precious life from the power of the dogs.
²¹ Rescue me from the mouth of the lions;
    save me from the horns of the wild oxen.

²² I will declare your name to my people;
    in the assembly I will praise you.
²³ You who fear the Lord, praise him!
    All you descendants of Jacob, honor him!
    Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!
²⁴ For he has not despised or scorned
    the suffering of the afflicted one;
he has not hidden his face from him
    but has listened to his cry for help.

²⁵ From you comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly;
    before those who fear you^[f] I will fulfill my vows.
²⁶ The poor will eat and be satisfied;
    those who seek the Lord will praise him—
    may your hearts live forever!

²⁷ All the ends of the earth
    will remember and turn to the Lord,
and all the families of the nations
    will bow down before him,
²⁸ for dominion belongs to the Lord
    and he rules over the nations.

²⁹ All the rich of the earth will feast and worship;
    all who go down to the dust will kneel before him—
    those who cannot keep themselves alive.
³⁰ Posterity will serve him;
    future generations will be told about the Lord.
³¹ They will proclaim his righteousness,
    declaring to a people yet unborn:
    He has done it!

David was in the regular habit of pouring his heart out to God.  He did not hold back his frustrations and concerns from his prayer life.  He was not praising God with fake and empty "Hallelujahs" while inside really feeling forgotten, bitter and full of pain.  No, he went to God with his pain and his concerns.  He brought everything to the table, then he praised him anyway.  He asked God "Why?" Basically, "Why are you letting all hell break loose in my life?"  But then he resolved that no matter what, he served a God who was holy and just and sovereign, who deserved praise whether we understand the "why" or not.  At the end of this psalm, he proclaims the victory that God will have when he does come through. 

Don't you think God wants us to be real with him?  Have you ever met someone who was always doing "great thanks and how are you?"  I mean literally, every time you ask them how they are doing, that is the answer?  I bet all they are to you is an aquantance right?  They would have to be, because a true close friend, when they are suffering, you can look at their face and know that something is wrong.  When you ask them what is wrong, there is a certain sensetivity that they have towards you, because you are their friend, they might even cry just because they know you can see the hurt and they know that they cannot hide it from you.  Maybe it is the fact that they know you actually care about what their answer will be.  You actually want to listen and be there for them.  Your friend knows you are not seeking a "great thanks, how about you" kind of an answer.

God does not enjoy watching us suffer through the week, then go to church on Sunday with all our pain inside of us, singing the words of the worship songs without feeling them inside of our hearts.  He wants the real us.  He wants to be intimate with us, not our aquantance.  He is not looking for us to say, "I'm great God, thanks for asking, I could sing of your love forever, Lord you are good and your mercy endures forever, I lift my hands in the sanctuary,  I am a friend of God."  Then get back in our car and drive back into our real, true life of burdens, pain and anxiety.  Are we only a Christian on the surface?  Or are we allowing God to come all the way in and touch every aspect of our lives?

One of my long time favorite scriptures...

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."   -Philippians 4:6-7

Stop demanding your requests of yourself!  Present them to God!  Don't hold them back from him!  You don't need to do him any favors.  He does not need your help. It is not glorifying him to do it on your own.  What is it that we have such a hard time understanding about the fact that he actually wants to help us?  He wants the credit for our success.  Then, after we have the victory over the situation, we will point our finger up to heaven and declare, "It was the Lord who did this for me."

He wants to hear how we are feeling because he loves us.  He cares about our situation enough to want to listen.  This verse says, "by prayer and petition".  When I hear the word petition, I think of those people who stand outside of stores holding a clipboard and a pen.  They bother everyone going inside and out.  "Help support this initiative..." or "Help stop this from happening."  It can be annoying right?  But they are so persistent!  On our way into the store we might tell them we don't have time, but then on our way out of the store, you can bet they will be asking again. 

That is the kind of persistence God is looking for.  Don't just pretend to present your requests to God... really do it!  Really expect him to help you and he will.  Bother Him with shameless audacity.  "God, remember yesterday when I told you I need your help?  I still need it God! I'm still waiting, I am desperate for your help and I know I will not accomplish any good thing without you!" 

"...And the peace of God, which transends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Ahhh... the peace of God.  This is what has caused Christians all over the world from generation to generation to shout out praises to God from the depths of their souls.  They can remember a time where peace didn't make sense... All hell was breaking loose in their life.   But they called upon the name of the Lord.  They presented their requests to God and they experienced a supernature peace that just didn't make any sense whatsoever.  The peace of God, brought to you by none other than the Holy Spirit.  This peace causes anxiety to flee from you, even if you are still in the midst of your storm.  His peace says to you, "you are safe in my hands" even though you are unsure of what the outcome of your struggle is going to be.  This peace causes non-beleivers to look at you and think, hmmmm.... maybe, just maybe there is something to this Jesus she is always talking about. 

"I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
 My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth."
-Psalm 121:1-2

4 the LOVE of $$$$$$$$$$ MONEY $$$$$$$$.....

Disclaimer:  I may say "You" a lot in this blog... that is only because I want you to examine yourself.  It is NOT because I think this does not apply to me.  I realize now that I have waisted years of my life LOVING MONEY.  Now that it has been revealed to me, I want to share this understanding so that maybe someone else can learn it a little bit faster than I did.   


Shhhhh..... This is the sin that we don't like to talk about out loud in church....

"For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs."  -1 Timothy 6:10

"Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.  He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect." -1 Timothy 3:3

"But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days.    People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. "
-2 Timothy 3:1-5

^"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.   Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

 So we say with confidence,“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”   -Hebrews 13:4-6

Do you love money more than you love God?


It's easy to quicky reply, "No, of course not" because we know that's what we are SUPPOSED to say.  But before mentally checking out and ASSUMING you are free from this sin that so easily entangles the majority of humanity.... make yourself keep reading.  Examine yourself today.  If you don't, a day will come when you will be examined, so it would be better for you to deal with it now. 

When we think of GREED, or "lovers of money"... we automatically think of the Donald Trumps and other Wall Street Fat Cats of the world who have way more money than us.  We compare ourselves to them and determine....

"I must be ok because I only have what is 'normal' considering the 'status quo' of society." 


Or... here is a dangerous way of thinking:


"I work really hard, so I deserve to at least have _________." 


Has God ever called you to a purpose that you knew at the time was a real true calling on your life?  What happened to that?  Why are you not living it out right now?  I would venture to guess that it has something to do with being "financially impossible."  There is "just no time" in your work week to include that extra activity into your life.  You need to work the hours you are working because if you didn't, you could NOT AFFORD TO LIVE."


Well, what does that mean exactly?  What do you consider "living"?


If you have food to eat, shelter to keep you safe from a storm, and clothes to wear, are you not living?  Or does living consist of Cable TV, Internet, Cell Phones, Name Brands, daily Starbucks excursions, gym memberships, tanning memberships, acrylic nails, expensive high maintenance hairstyles, a housekeeper, a  high car payment and a rent and/or house payment that breaks the bank but shouts to the world, "I have arrived"?


So the truth might be... you traded in the purpose to which God has called you, for THINGS.

How is your marraige?  How is your relationship with your children?  Do you find that you don't have the time and energy to invest as much effort into these relationships as they would require in order to thrive? 

Maybe you are trading in your family for THINGS. 

Maybe if we were willing to live with less... we would have more of ourselves to invest in things that are eternally more important in value. When we actually question ourselves on whether or not we are willing to give up some of the luxuries that we have considered necessities, we often come to the following 2 questions:


"But... What would people think???" 


"Why is it ok for 'Suzy So and So' to have all of these 'things' and still be used by God for a special purpose, but not me?"   

Now it's time to expose these questions for what their root stems from....


Envy:a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.

Pride: a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.

Jealousy:a)jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself. b)vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.

Coveting:a)to desire wrongfully, inordinately, or without due regard for the rights of others: to covet another's property.  b) to wish for, especially eagerly: "He won the prize they all coveted."

Greed:excessive or rapacious desire especially for wealth or possessions.


Beloved, hear me on this please....

Our standard is not based on each other, or even on the "most Christian" person that we know.  Our standard is Jesus Christ, who being in very nature, God, did not consider  equality with God as something to be grasped, but took on the very nature of a servant becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross!!!!

So when we stand before Him to give an account for our life... and He askes us why we did not fulfill the purpose that He so clearly spoke to us... what will we say?

"Well Jesus, I was doing as much as anyone else in my church was doing."

How well do you think that argument will hold up in his Holy court?

He knew that it would be hard for us to understand what holy living looks like, with so much corruption in the world.  So He did what was necessary to show us how to live. 

This leaves us no excuse for how we choose to live our life. 

Lets stop looking around the pews to compare ourselves with other Christians to decide what our spiritual temperature is.  We need to go straight to the word of God and allow Him to be Lord in our life. 

In the matter of "The love of money"...

What is the love of money holding you back from doing with your life?  What are you willing to give up to follow Christ? 

"But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.   I want to know Christ —yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead." -Philippians 3:7-11

True Confessions of a Godless Whore...

Friday Morning I read a scripture that really stood out to me:

"The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet.

 The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you." -Romans 16:20

What an amazing statement of victory that we have in Christ.  I had finished the whole book of Romans between the night before and that morning.  I love Paul's letters to the churches. To me, he was such a passionate follower of Christ.  There was no grey area with him... no lukewarm.  I love that.  You either are a Christian, or you are not.  Whenever I start reading any of his letters to the churches in the New Testament, I can't put them down.  Something inside of me resonates with his words like my spirit is starving for this overwhelming nourishment and when I receive it, it makes me want to scream praises to God. When I read the divinely inspired words of the apostle Paul, it's like I am learning how to be a REAL CHRISTIAN, the kind who says and actually believes "For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." -Philippians 1:21.

 It's so hard in this day and age to find them. 

So I posted that verse (Romans 16:20) as my status on Facebook.  I do that a lot of the time when a particular verse stands out as powerful and timely to me.  I realize that some of my Facebook friends might find it annoying, but I cannot let that stop me from posting what might make a difference in the life of just one person. 

After I posted it, someone who attended the same high school as me pasted a link to an e-card in the comment section. 

Here is the card:

How would you react?  My heart was pounding out of my chest and my adrenalin was running like I have not experienced in years.  It was not anger.  I was so excited and empowered!!!!  I felt like God was using me... using the truth of His goodness to me... to penetrate hearts.  What an open door to share my testimony!  My fingers typed away as my passion for Jesus Christ flowed out onto my next 2 Facebook status updates....

"It was just brought to my attention that my God Fearing Facebook status updates don't make people forget what a godless whore I was in high school. Well let's just put it out there: I was a godless whore in high school. And after high school for a few years as well!!!! THANK GOD for HIS AMAZING GRACE!!!!!!!!"

"What a rush! That was so exciting! Anyone else have dirty details about me to share??? I LOVE to give GLORY to GOD for how amazing HE IS!!! Come on people, I got way worse after high school!!!"

I was at home rejoicing over God's goodness to me and the freedom I have in Him.  It was a feeling that wouldn't make sense to someone who has never experienced the Holy Spirit as a real and present part of their life. 

You see... I have one of THOSE testimonies.... The kind that I can't share with everyone, because it is not always necessary for every person to know certain details.  In fact, certain details could do more harm than good in the imagination of men.  However, you put the right audience in front of me, women only, and you will see Satan crushed under my feet right before your eyes. 

All I can say is this.... God is good.  He is SO powerful and mighty.  He is SO faithful.  He has the ability to heal and restore in such a way that the past is not even a part of me anymore.  There is no love, no companionship and no intimacy with any other human being on earth that will ever compare. 

No one will ever take the place of God sitting on the throne of my heart. 

You see.... I had let many men sit there before.  It left me destroyed every time.  At 20 years old I had already made enough mistakes to feel thoroughly disgusted with myself.  I no longer recognized the girl who I saw in the mirror.  I had fallen far enough away from my savior to feel unworthy of coming back.  I did not deserve His love anymore.  How can a person who knows Jesus do this? 

I felt so ashamed of what I had become. 

I realized that I was like an addict to my sin.  Church once a week wasn't going to cut it for me.  That is like a drug addict wanting to quit, and only going rehab once a week. It was going to have to be an "all or nothing" come back to Christ.  So I signed myself up for Sacramento International Master's Commission at Harvest Church in Elk Grove, CA.  It was a full time, live in, discipleship training program for people who wanted "To Know God and Make Him Known." To me, these were the "Super-Christians" LOL.  Anyone who went through Maser's Commission knows why I am laughing. 

Seriously though, I was not a "Church Kid."  The extend of my religious upbringing was my mother praying with me every night that I would always have a close and personal relationship with God.  We only went to church like once or maybe twice a year.  I realize now that I was blessed by God with the gift of faith.  I believed in Jesus Christ with all my heart my entire life.  I may not have been living it... but the fact that He was Lord of all was as real to me as the sky being blue and coffee with coffee-mate creamer being amazing. 

When I filled out my application for Master's Commission, I had to answer some very personal questions like, "Have you ever ______?  When was the last time?"  Ummmm.... last week?  I was petrified.  I had to check "yes" on so many boxes that I knew for sure they would deny my application.  After all, these were the Super-Christians remember?  I hand delivered my application at the church.  I am sure I was wearing a short skirt and a spaghetti strap tank top because that was how I dressed every day back then. 

I met with 3 of the female staff members from Master's Commission with tears in my eyes as I pleaded with them... "I know my application looks really bad but you have to hear what I have to say! I love the Lord with all my heart and this is something I have to do!  You have to accept me into this program.  I swear I am serious about this!"  We were all sitting at this table in one of the church offices as I spoke to them.  They all just smiled at me as they listened.  Then they prayed for me.  I was in.

It was going to start in 3 months.  I had literally 3 months to transform into a "Super-Christian" so that I would not stand out like a sore thumb... or so I thought.  So I started with Genesis and began to read the bible from the beginning.  I had a lot of catching up to do with these Christians who had been Christians for their whole lives right?  By the time the 3 months was up, I was somewhere around Deuteronomy.  I had also read most of the New Testament.  I would spend hours worshipping God in my bedroom and writing in my prayer journal.  He was becoming my all. 

Here is the peculiar thing... about a month after the program started I realized something... I still stood out like a sore thumb, but not in the way I had expected.  It seemed to be the general consensus of the other students that I was just "too Christian."

Wow.

If only they knew what the extreme depths of my sin had been just 3 months prior.  I had been doing things that were so terrible that I felt unworthy to even be a part of the program.   I guess only another "godless whore" could really understand what it was like for Jesus Christ to accept me back into his love and then romance me like no man ever had before...

Jesus Anointed by a Sinful Woman...      Luke 7:36-50

 ³⁶ When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. ³⁷ A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. ³⁸ As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.  ³⁹ When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”
 ⁴⁰ Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”
   “Tell me, teacher,” he said.
   ⁴¹ “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,^[c] and the other fifty. ⁴² Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”
 ⁴³ Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”
   “You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.
 ⁴⁴ Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. ⁴⁵ You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. ⁴⁶ You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. ⁴⁷ Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”
 ⁴⁸ Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”
 ⁴⁹ The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”
 ⁵⁰ Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

So you see... I am her.  I cannot stop pouring my love on Him because He has forgiven MUCH.  When I cry during worship at church or when I paste scriptures that glorify God on my Facebook... It is not because I want to be perceived as some self-righteous holier than-thou saint.  It is because I am so grateful for the mercy that God has shown me through Jesus Christ... it overflows out of me and I have to let it out or I feel like I will literally die. 

That may sound weird, I just can't think of any other wording to describe how it feels when the Holy Spirit fills a person with so much overwhelming JOY and LOVE and HOPE and GRATEFULNESS all at the same time... that it cannot be contained in a human body without being expressed in some sort of action of praise and worship.  It cannot be expressed in a way that is suttle and refined and dull like so many people view "religion" today.  It's too real for that.  

Only then, after I let it out.. do I feel relief.

I hope and pray that in some way, some how, by writing these blogs and by posting scriptures as status updates... somewhere, someone will be touched by the Holy Spirit that is at work within me and hear God tugging at their heart too. 

"²²This is what your Sovereign LORD says,
   your God, who defends his people:
“See, I have taken out of your hand
   the cup that made you stagger;
from that cup, the goblet of my wrath,
   you will never drink again.
²³ I will put it into the hands of your tormentors,
   who said to you,
   ‘Fall prostrate that we may walk on you.’
And you made your back like the ground,
   like a street to be walked on.” 

                                      -Isaiah 51:22-23

Why we told our 4 1/2 year old daughter that the Easter Bunny is not real...

My husband and I told our 4 1/2 year old daughter this year that there is no Easter Bunny or Santa Clause.  To some, that may sound mean and heartless, which makes me laugh, but let me tell you why we did it.  The real reason why Christmas and Easter are celebrated is so much more exciting than these silly made up fairy tales.  I began to imagine how Jesus Christ must feel as He watches all of us scramble around buying things and hyping up our children for make believe creatures on days that were intended to remind us all of his great love for us by remembering the story of what He did to save us.  Some people argue that the dates that we celebrate these holidays are not historically accurate and to tell you the truth, it is probably true, but that doesn't bother me.  The purpose is to take some time to remember. 

To some people, Christmas is the most important holiday of the year.  To me, Easter is.  You see, on Christmas we celebrate the miraculous and immaculate birth of Jesus Christ.  On Good Friday we remember his crucifixion.  Then comes Easter, the day that we remember His resurrection from the dead 3 days later.  If you have never really been that "into church" or if you know that there is probably a God, but you just aren't sure of who He is or have never heard the story of Christ that is known as "The Good News" or "The Gospel", please take a couple minutes out of your day to hear it now.  Read on.

God's holiness is so perfectly pure, that he simply cannot be  in the same place as sin.  God and sin are like oil and water, they just don't mix and they never will.  The old testament of the bible represents all of the books of the bible that were written to describe life before the birth of Christ.  In these books we read that the only atonement for sin was a sacrifice of death.  People used to sacrifice animals at the alter to compensate for their sin.  This was commanded by God, through the instructions that he gave Moses for all of God's people. 

Can you imagine that?  Every time you sinned, if you truly loved God and desired to obey Him, you had to go through this ritual of offering an animal.  Not only was this just disgusting in my opinion as a "girly girl," but it was a sacrifice.  You see, people lived off of the food that their flocks provided to their families.  They made their clothing from the wool of their sheep and the skin of their herds.  This was a monetary sacrifice just as much as it was a sacrifice of time and energy.  I imagine there were times where they thought to themselves, "God didn't see that sin too did He?" 

I wish I could explain all of the details of this time frame, but that is why the whole old testament was written with so many books.  The details go on and on and statistically most people's attention span will only allow them to read until right about now, if you are even still with me.  If you are, please continue.  This story is the one thing in my life that I am the most passionate about.  If I died today and you all attended my funeral, I would be ok with that as long as at the service this story was told.  So how about you just read the whole thing now so I can stick around a little longer, lol...

God's passionate love for you and me motivated Him to do something about this distance between Him and us.  He knew that no matter how many animals we sacrificed, we would never be able to compensate for every little evil thought that creeps into our minds.... envy, jealousy, lust, greed, etc.  So He decided to take care of it Himself.  He sent His one and only Son, Jesus Christ, to be born as a human.  He lived a perfectly sinless life all of his years on earth.  He was humble, gentle, loving and wise.  He was also bold, honest and brave.  He never once thought an evil thought or did anything without a pure and good intention. 

He came knowing that his purpose was to represent what it meant to live the way that our Heavenly Father desires for us to live and then to die a criminals death although he had never committed any sin.  He became the final sacrifice for sin, once and for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring us to God.  Never again will animal sacrifice be  required in order to be right with God. Because of this sacrifice, now, all we have to do is repent from our sin to be right with God and believe, based on the sacrifice of Christ for our sins, that we are forgiven and have new life in  Him.  It's important to understand that "repenting" and "apologizing" are not at all the same.  Repenting means you confess your sin AND turn 180 degrees around facing the opposite direction of that sin and you RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AWAY FROM IT AND TOWARDS GOD.  When you truly repent, you know that you might slip up again in the future, but you will try with everything in your being not to go near the place that will cause you to be tempted.

Making the choice to believe in what Christ did for us is as simple as allowing a creditor to cancel the debt that we owe them.  Essentially God is asking you, "Do you want to keep trying to earn your salvation or do you want me to give it to you for free?"  Do you want to keep making payments on a bill, or do you want your creditor to say to you, "You know what, our system is showing that your account has been paid in full.  Would you like that sent to you in writing?"  And just to make sure we get it, He gives it to us in writing with the scriptures in the bible.  This decision should be a "No Brainer" right?

Thanks to Jesus Christ, salvation is granted to us not based on our past successes or failures.  It has nothing to do with our percentage of "goodness".  (Since God's percentage of goodness is 100%, we would all fall short anyway.)  It becomes a simple matter of deciding whether or not to allow God to give you this gift which He so passionately prepared for you over 2,000 years ago. 

This story would not be complete without mentioning what happened 3 days after He was crucified.  This is the best part: God the Father raised Jesus Christ's physical body from the dead.  This fact was proven by many encounters that He had with people for several days.  He walked and talked with many people on the earth at that time.  A disciple named Thomas, doubted it was really Jesus, so the Lord allowed Him to place his hands in the wounds that Jesus still had from being nailed to the cross and pierced in His side.  He provided Thomas with evidence that he was not a ghost, but His body had literally been raised back to life from the dead.

The most exciting part of the story is this... Through faith in Christ, we have access to that same power that resurrected Him from the dead.  He has given us a divine promise that if we will accept this gift of salvation by confessing and living out true genuine FAITH in Christ, we too will spend eternity alive and in the glorious presence of God.  We will no longer live in our earthly bodies, but we will have new heavenly bodies that do not experience physical pain.  He will wipe away every tear from our eyes and we will never cry again. 

Having knowledge of this amazing good news, I cannot help but ask:

"Who's coming with me?" 

Repenting from Pride: "Making Much of Me"

"Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting" -Psalm 139:23-24

Recently I have made some changes with how time is allocated in my life.  This had to happen or I was going to lose my mind.  I was overworked, burned out, exhausted, anxious, stressed, depressed and feeling a sense of emptiness that I couldn't handle anymore.  I knew that if I would have just entered into God's presence, he would have lifted my burdens.  The problem was... I already knew what would happen once I began to spend more time reading God's word, writing in my prayer journal and being intentional about having fellowship with other Christians.  I knew that once I truly allowed the Holy Spirit to help me, I would sense that I needed to make some big changes in my life. 

The last few years for Bryant and I have been a struggle financially.  I felt like I was slaving away, working like a dog, yet I was still always counting down the days until next payday.  It didn't make sense to me.  I have a very good job.  I mean, for someone with no college degree, I am so blessed to have the income that I have.  God truly found a little "niche" where I just happen to fit career-wise.  So then why were we ALWAYS broke? 

I found myself committing more and more of my time to my job, in hopes that all of my extra efforts would result in bigger and better commission checks.  "If I can just have a good month this month, and earn a big bonus, THEN everything will be better.  THEN I will have peace of mind. THEN I can focus on pursuing God's purpose for my life."

Then came the drought.  I had a period of time, where for 4 months I had horrible sales.  This means that my income was basically cut in half.  (Half of what I was already struggling with.)  I have to admit, I kind of lost it.  I felt like I was going crazy.  I hate not having control over my situation. 

I finally decided that living out the purpose that God intended for my life was the most important thing for me to do.  I could not lie to myself anymore and think that if I just try harder I will be able to balance it all.  I needed to make a change for the sake of my own peace of mind, my marriage, my family and for whatever ministry God would have me do once I actually had some time for something other than work. 

Please don't misunderstand me... I'm not saying it is wrong to have a job.  I am blessed to have the job that I have.  What I am saying is that my job was an idol.  It had become more important to me than pursuing the things of God.  Whatever you put MOST of your energy, time and efforts into is obviously the most important thing to you, right? 

"You shall have no other gods before me." -Exodus 20:3


So I finally made the decision to give it to God.  How would we afford to live?  I had no idea, but I knew that we would figure it out.

"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well." -Matthew 6:33

I gave my 2 week notice and began to plan on how we would live with just Bryant's income.  Blond hair that needs to be touched up every 5 weeks?  Gave it to God.  Glitter Acrylic Nails?  Gave them to God.  Gym Membership?  Gave it to God.  I started to actually look at the ads that the grocery stores put out to see what was on sale at which stores.  I started collecting coupons.  I love the Dollar Tree!  Here's the real kicker.... I am even planning on going to the Good Will with a friend of mine who tells me I can find some really nice clothes for cheap.  Now I may seem to be changing a lot, but I have to admit that as I just wrote that last sentence, I felt embarrassed just a little.  I almost didn't write it.  I still have some work to do. 

Sparing you the details, I will just say that I ended up being able to keep my job, but cut down to part time.  Now I work 3 days a week.  Praise the Lord!  I am making a little bit less income, but saving $900 a month on daycare, so life is good!  God has blessed me and my household.

So what does all of this have to do with the title of this blog?  Why am I finding myself repenting from Pride and "Making Much of Me"?  The title came to me a few days ago when I was reflecting on all the changes in my life the past month.  I was thinking about how happy I am with the balance I have now between work, marriage, family and ministry.  I asked myself, "Why didn't I do this a long time ago?" 

What was holding me back from living out my purpose?  Pride. I am very competitive.  I have something to prove.  I want to be considered  just as good at what I do as the best in my field.  In the business world, you are praised for putting in extra hours to do what it takes to get the goal met.  I never wanted to be the one who steps back a little bit and misses out on the prize.  I get jealous when I see others doing better in their sales than me.  I was trying to make much of myself instead of trying to make much of God. 

"He must become greater, I must become less." -John 3:30

Now that I work three days a week, I have to trust God that he will help me to still meet my sales goal in that time frame.  Also, if I don't do well in sales, but I tried as hard as I possibly could during the 3 days I worked, I will have do be alright with that too. 

"And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:19

So I will make the primary focus of my life bringing glory to Him.  There is so much freedom in that.  It no longer matters if people are impressed with me.  All that matters is that people are impressed with what God is doing in me. 

"If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness" -2 Corinthians 11:30

The ugliest part of pride is that is causes you to think you are better than other people.  I'm embarrassed to admit that for about 2 years, I thought I was better than my husband.  Yikes, ouch... I did not enjoy typing that just now.  I thought that I was better because I was a workaholic and he only worked part time.  I was carrying the majority of the burden for our finances and that seemed wrong to me.  I was judging him through the same eyes as the world and not through the eyes of Christ. 

Lets see what scripture says about this attitude:

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.  Rather, in humility, consider others above yourself." -Philippians 2:3

"In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset of Christ Jesus.  Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used for his own advantage, rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death- even death on a cross!"   -Philippians 2: 5-8

When life gets rough and we feel like we are out of control, we often look for someone to blame.  If we can blame someone and hold them responsible for the problem, we think maybe we will be able to convince THEM that THEY need to fix it for you.  That is exactly what I was doing to Bryant. 

In scripture, every time someone went to Jesus and said, "Look what so and so is doing! It's wrong!"  Jesus defended the accused every single time.  Just read the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John and you will see for yourself.  If I listed each of these stories in this blog, it would get even longer than it already is, so I will go with one that sums it all up:

"For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. "  -Matthew 7:2-5

In Conclusion,  I have decided to flee from this prideful way of thinking.  If you are in my life, you have full permission to put me in check when you see this tendency rear it's ugly head.  I've been back in the word of God and I have so much peace and gratitude.  I have so much love and respect for my husband.  I am so blessed to be his wife.  I know that God knew what he was doing bringing the two of us together and I am excited about the plans that he has for us.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11