There I was in drama practice. It was my first year in Master's Commission, I was 21 years old and we were preparing to do a human video to the song, "Wonderful," by Everclear.
I had been assigned the role of the Mom in an abusive relationship. Our team had spent time in prayer before practice. We had just started listening to the song so that Chris, our drama teacher, could explain what the drama would look like with each part of the song. I was focused on my role and wanted God to use me to minister to people.
As the song played, I suddenly felt overwhelmed with memories and emotions that took me to the ground as I sobbed and cried like I had not done in years. It was loud crying like a child. I literally could not stop. I was seeing flashbacks of violence, arguing, and myself as a little girl alone in my room crying and afraid. I was remembering the feeling of being at school and not wanting to go home when the bell rang.
The staff member leading the practice, Chris, knew exactly what was happening. He had seen this before...
God had decided to heal me in the area of my childhood right then and there during drama practice. He was allowing me to feel every ounce of the pain all at once, so that I would realize what I was still carrying inside of my heart. Chris had the team lay hands on me and pray for my emotional healing. I litterally felt the weight of the pain lifted off of me.
So this is how it happened; first, the Holy Spirit confronted my pain, then He healed me of it. He pulled it right out of my heart and replaced it with peace, love and an increased measure of faith to believe in the future that He had for me. I had not intended to receive healing that day. I was just there to learn the new drama that we would be using for ministry outreach.
And that is how Jesus works. He is a healer. He loves us too much to allow us to keep our pain bottled up inside. But first.... He confronts it. It hurts. It is uncomfortable to allow Him to go there. He reaches into a place so deep inside of our hearts that we actually forgot it was there.
What He showed me that day was that He cared about my pain, He remembered my pain, and He was with me way back then, while it was happening. He cried right along with me while I cried and He had been waiting for this day to come. He had been waiting for me to come near enough to Him, away from all of the distractions, so that my heart could be healed.
In order for Him to be able to heal us, we need to allow Him to soften our hearts. If we have hard barriers of stone built up around our heart, we are choosing to shut Him out. If we shut Him out, we shut His super-natural comfort, peace, strength and healing out as well. The good news is that He is able to tear down the walls that we have built up around our hearts.
"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." -Ezekiel 36:26
There is much more to be said about what the bible has to say about our hearts. For tonight, however, lets rest on this. This is most important to Christ. He always went straight to the greatest need of a person. All of the other details He can work out on a one on one basis over time as we grow closer to Him. He knows that if He can accomplish a genuine spiritual heart transformation in us... We will know that He is real. We will know that He is a loving God. We will know Him for ourselves.
"Today, if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion." -Hebrews 3:15
Father God,
As scary as it may feel to ask you for this... I ask that you would reveal to me the areas in my heart that need to be confronted. Show me the areas that are in need of your healing. I believe that you can heal my heart. I don't want to have a heart of stone anymore. I trust you to give me a heart of flesh. Lord, You have my permission to have your way in my heart.
In Jesus' Name I pray... Amen.
