"Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
"I am rubber, you are glue, what ever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you."
These are some of the biggest lies we learn as children. The truth is, broken bones heal over time, but words can harm a person for life. On the other hand, the use of positive words can change the course of a life in a positive direction forever. I don't believe that everyone who hurts people with their words intends to. In fact, I believe that many of us Christians, who intend to display God's love, end up using hurtful words in the heat of a moment in which we act purely in the flesh and we briefly forget about God.
Sadly the most common place where this happens is in our own homes.
I am 3 months pregnant and my hormones are going crazy. I have noticed that especially in this last month, I snap VERY easily. I hear myself lashing out at someone and in the back of my mind I am thinking, "Lindsay, what are you doing?????" The other part of me responds, "I am letting them know the truth, they need to hear it!!!" Then I get it all out, yet, strangely, I don't feel better. I now feel guilty, almost like I am grieving over what I have just done. I feel ashamed of myself as a Christian. I feel embarrassed because God just witnessed my little hissy fit.
Just to be clear, I don't call names. I strongly disagree with words like, "stupid," "dumb" or anything that could cause a person to believe negative lies about themselves. What I am talking about is the fact that I respond to conflict with a lack of love. I lack patience in my response. I respond with the blunt truth without allowing God to help me filter it through the filter of love. Some of you may think that I am making too big of a deal out of nothing. You may think being blunt is a good thing and that people need "tough love."
Question:
In the heat of the moment, WHY am I about to lash out?
Common Answer:
"I was just treated unfairly, now I need to defend myself. This person may go on in life, unaware of the fact that they just offended me, so I better let them know!"
What we are forgetting in the heat of the moment:
"Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." -Ephesians 5:15-16
How can we choose to make the most out of this moment? When we lash out, are we making the most out of that opportunity? Or could there possibly be a better way to handle the situation which will bring more glory to Christ and more humility to ourselves?
"Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always." -Psalm 105:4
Always? Even right when we want to go off on someone? Yes, "always" means "always."
What happens if we choose to look to God instead of going with what we feel in the heat of the moment?
"Those who look to him are radiant. Their faces are never covered with shame." -Psalm 34:5
No shame afterwards. No regret. We are left with the peace that comes from knowing we did not cause another person harm.
What else does God warn us about, when it comes to our words?
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
-Ephesians 4:29-32
What should motivate us to obey this teaching? This one will cut to the heart....
"When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly." 1 Peter 2:23
Our Lord and Savior was offended more unjustly than any offense we will endure in our lifetime. He did not retaliate, but instead, he trusted himself to him who judges justly. Can we model that? Can we remind ourselves in the heat of the moment that Christ chose NOT to retaliate, because he trusted his heavenly Father? We who are in Christ have the same Father. He is just as trustworthy to us as he was to Jesus Christ when he walked the earth.
When we feel that we have been "put down" we retaliate in an effort to "elevate" ourselves. We want to even the score against our accuser. This is the opposite of what we are taught in scripture.
"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up." -James 4:10
Father God,
Please forgive me for the times that I have allowed my emotions to take control. Please forgive me for allowing my words to cause harm. Keep me aware of ways that I can make the most out of every opportunity. Help me filter my words with love. Help me to respond with patience. Never let me feel comfortable if my words cause another pain. Always cause me to feel conviction so that I can repent. Show me opportunities to use my words to build people up and encourage. Thank You Lord, for the grace and mercy that you give me through your Son, Jesus Christ. Thank You that he lived the perfect example of godliness so that we have someone to model our lives after.
In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
