True Confessions of a Godless Whore...

Friday Morning I read a scripture that really stood out to me:

"The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet.

 The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you." -Romans 16:20

What an amazing statement of victory that we have in Christ.  I had finished the whole book of Romans between the night before and that morning.  I love Paul's letters to the churches. To me, he was such a passionate follower of Christ.  There was no grey area with him... no lukewarm.  I love that.  You either are a Christian, or you are not.  Whenever I start reading any of his letters to the churches in the New Testament, I can't put them down.  Something inside of me resonates with his words like my spirit is starving for this overwhelming nourishment and when I receive it, it makes me want to scream praises to God. When I read the divinely inspired words of the apostle Paul, it's like I am learning how to be a REAL CHRISTIAN, the kind who says and actually believes "For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." -Philippians 1:21.

 It's so hard in this day and age to find them. 

So I posted that verse (Romans 16:20) as my status on Facebook.  I do that a lot of the time when a particular verse stands out as powerful and timely to me.  I realize that some of my Facebook friends might find it annoying, but I cannot let that stop me from posting what might make a difference in the life of just one person. 

After I posted it, someone who attended the same high school as me pasted a link to an e-card in the comment section. 

Here is the card:

How would you react?  My heart was pounding out of my chest and my adrenalin was running like I have not experienced in years.  It was not anger.  I was so excited and empowered!!!!  I felt like God was using me... using the truth of His goodness to me... to penetrate hearts.  What an open door to share my testimony!  My fingers typed away as my passion for Jesus Christ flowed out onto my next 2 Facebook status updates....

"It was just brought to my attention that my God Fearing Facebook status updates don't make people forget what a godless whore I was in high school. Well let's just put it out there: I was a godless whore in high school. And after high school for a few years as well!!!! THANK GOD for HIS AMAZING GRACE!!!!!!!!"

"What a rush! That was so exciting! Anyone else have dirty details about me to share??? I LOVE to give GLORY to GOD for how amazing HE IS!!! Come on people, I got way worse after high school!!!"

I was at home rejoicing over God's goodness to me and the freedom I have in Him.  It was a feeling that wouldn't make sense to someone who has never experienced the Holy Spirit as a real and present part of their life. 

You see... I have one of THOSE testimonies.... The kind that I can't share with everyone, because it is not always necessary for every person to know certain details.  In fact, certain details could do more harm than good in the imagination of men.  However, you put the right audience in front of me, women only, and you will see Satan crushed under my feet right before your eyes. 

All I can say is this.... God is good.  He is SO powerful and mighty.  He is SO faithful.  He has the ability to heal and restore in such a way that the past is not even a part of me anymore.  There is no love, no companionship and no intimacy with any other human being on earth that will ever compare. 

No one will ever take the place of God sitting on the throne of my heart. 

You see.... I had let many men sit there before.  It left me destroyed every time.  At 20 years old I had already made enough mistakes to feel thoroughly disgusted with myself.  I no longer recognized the girl who I saw in the mirror.  I had fallen far enough away from my savior to feel unworthy of coming back.  I did not deserve His love anymore.  How can a person who knows Jesus do this? 

I felt so ashamed of what I had become. 

I realized that I was like an addict to my sin.  Church once a week wasn't going to cut it for me.  That is like a drug addict wanting to quit, and only going rehab once a week. It was going to have to be an "all or nothing" come back to Christ.  So I signed myself up for Sacramento International Master's Commission at Harvest Church in Elk Grove, CA.  It was a full time, live in, discipleship training program for people who wanted "To Know God and Make Him Known." To me, these were the "Super-Christians" LOL.  Anyone who went through Maser's Commission knows why I am laughing. 

Seriously though, I was not a "Church Kid."  The extend of my religious upbringing was my mother praying with me every night that I would always have a close and personal relationship with God.  We only went to church like once or maybe twice a year.  I realize now that I was blessed by God with the gift of faith.  I believed in Jesus Christ with all my heart my entire life.  I may not have been living it... but the fact that He was Lord of all was as real to me as the sky being blue and coffee with coffee-mate creamer being amazing. 

When I filled out my application for Master's Commission, I had to answer some very personal questions like, "Have you ever ______?  When was the last time?"  Ummmm.... last week?  I was petrified.  I had to check "yes" on so many boxes that I knew for sure they would deny my application.  After all, these were the Super-Christians remember?  I hand delivered my application at the church.  I am sure I was wearing a short skirt and a spaghetti strap tank top because that was how I dressed every day back then. 

I met with 3 of the female staff members from Master's Commission with tears in my eyes as I pleaded with them... "I know my application looks really bad but you have to hear what I have to say! I love the Lord with all my heart and this is something I have to do!  You have to accept me into this program.  I swear I am serious about this!"  We were all sitting at this table in one of the church offices as I spoke to them.  They all just smiled at me as they listened.  Then they prayed for me.  I was in.

It was going to start in 3 months.  I had literally 3 months to transform into a "Super-Christian" so that I would not stand out like a sore thumb... or so I thought.  So I started with Genesis and began to read the bible from the beginning.  I had a lot of catching up to do with these Christians who had been Christians for their whole lives right?  By the time the 3 months was up, I was somewhere around Deuteronomy.  I had also read most of the New Testament.  I would spend hours worshipping God in my bedroom and writing in my prayer journal.  He was becoming my all. 

Here is the peculiar thing... about a month after the program started I realized something... I still stood out like a sore thumb, but not in the way I had expected.  It seemed to be the general consensus of the other students that I was just "too Christian."

Wow.

If only they knew what the extreme depths of my sin had been just 3 months prior.  I had been doing things that were so terrible that I felt unworthy to even be a part of the program.   I guess only another "godless whore" could really understand what it was like for Jesus Christ to accept me back into his love and then romance me like no man ever had before...

Jesus Anointed by a Sinful Woman...      Luke 7:36-50

 ³⁶ When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. ³⁷ A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. ³⁸ As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.  ³⁹ When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”
 ⁴⁰ Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”
   “Tell me, teacher,” he said.
   ⁴¹ “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,^[c] and the other fifty. ⁴² Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”
 ⁴³ Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”
   “You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.
 ⁴⁴ Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. ⁴⁵ You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. ⁴⁶ You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. ⁴⁷ Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”
 ⁴⁸ Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”
 ⁴⁹ The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”
 ⁵⁰ Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

So you see... I am her.  I cannot stop pouring my love on Him because He has forgiven MUCH.  When I cry during worship at church or when I paste scriptures that glorify God on my Facebook... It is not because I want to be perceived as some self-righteous holier than-thou saint.  It is because I am so grateful for the mercy that God has shown me through Jesus Christ... it overflows out of me and I have to let it out or I feel like I will literally die. 

That may sound weird, I just can't think of any other wording to describe how it feels when the Holy Spirit fills a person with so much overwhelming JOY and LOVE and HOPE and GRATEFULNESS all at the same time... that it cannot be contained in a human body without being expressed in some sort of action of praise and worship.  It cannot be expressed in a way that is suttle and refined and dull like so many people view "religion" today.  It's too real for that.  

Only then, after I let it out.. do I feel relief.

I hope and pray that in some way, some how, by writing these blogs and by posting scriptures as status updates... somewhere, someone will be touched by the Holy Spirit that is at work within me and hear God tugging at their heart too. 

"²²This is what your Sovereign LORD says,
   your God, who defends his people:
“See, I have taken out of your hand
   the cup that made you stagger;
from that cup, the goblet of my wrath,
   you will never drink again.
²³ I will put it into the hands of your tormentors,
   who said to you,
   ‘Fall prostrate that we may walk on you.’
And you made your back like the ground,
   like a street to be walked on.” 

                                      -Isaiah 51:22-23

Why we told our 4 1/2 year old daughter that the Easter Bunny is not real...

My husband and I told our 4 1/2 year old daughter this year that there is no Easter Bunny or Santa Clause.  To some, that may sound mean and heartless, which makes me laugh, but let me tell you why we did it.  The real reason why Christmas and Easter are celebrated is so much more exciting than these silly made up fairy tales.  I began to imagine how Jesus Christ must feel as He watches all of us scramble around buying things and hyping up our children for make believe creatures on days that were intended to remind us all of his great love for us by remembering the story of what He did to save us.  Some people argue that the dates that we celebrate these holidays are not historically accurate and to tell you the truth, it is probably true, but that doesn't bother me.  The purpose is to take some time to remember. 

To some people, Christmas is the most important holiday of the year.  To me, Easter is.  You see, on Christmas we celebrate the miraculous and immaculate birth of Jesus Christ.  On Good Friday we remember his crucifixion.  Then comes Easter, the day that we remember His resurrection from the dead 3 days later.  If you have never really been that "into church" or if you know that there is probably a God, but you just aren't sure of who He is or have never heard the story of Christ that is known as "The Good News" or "The Gospel", please take a couple minutes out of your day to hear it now.  Read on.

God's holiness is so perfectly pure, that he simply cannot be  in the same place as sin.  God and sin are like oil and water, they just don't mix and they never will.  The old testament of the bible represents all of the books of the bible that were written to describe life before the birth of Christ.  In these books we read that the only atonement for sin was a sacrifice of death.  People used to sacrifice animals at the alter to compensate for their sin.  This was commanded by God, through the instructions that he gave Moses for all of God's people. 

Can you imagine that?  Every time you sinned, if you truly loved God and desired to obey Him, you had to go through this ritual of offering an animal.  Not only was this just disgusting in my opinion as a "girly girl," but it was a sacrifice.  You see, people lived off of the food that their flocks provided to their families.  They made their clothing from the wool of their sheep and the skin of their herds.  This was a monetary sacrifice just as much as it was a sacrifice of time and energy.  I imagine there were times where they thought to themselves, "God didn't see that sin too did He?" 

I wish I could explain all of the details of this time frame, but that is why the whole old testament was written with so many books.  The details go on and on and statistically most people's attention span will only allow them to read until right about now, if you are even still with me.  If you are, please continue.  This story is the one thing in my life that I am the most passionate about.  If I died today and you all attended my funeral, I would be ok with that as long as at the service this story was told.  So how about you just read the whole thing now so I can stick around a little longer, lol...

God's passionate love for you and me motivated Him to do something about this distance between Him and us.  He knew that no matter how many animals we sacrificed, we would never be able to compensate for every little evil thought that creeps into our minds.... envy, jealousy, lust, greed, etc.  So He decided to take care of it Himself.  He sent His one and only Son, Jesus Christ, to be born as a human.  He lived a perfectly sinless life all of his years on earth.  He was humble, gentle, loving and wise.  He was also bold, honest and brave.  He never once thought an evil thought or did anything without a pure and good intention. 

He came knowing that his purpose was to represent what it meant to live the way that our Heavenly Father desires for us to live and then to die a criminals death although he had never committed any sin.  He became the final sacrifice for sin, once and for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring us to God.  Never again will animal sacrifice be  required in order to be right with God. Because of this sacrifice, now, all we have to do is repent from our sin to be right with God and believe, based on the sacrifice of Christ for our sins, that we are forgiven and have new life in  Him.  It's important to understand that "repenting" and "apologizing" are not at all the same.  Repenting means you confess your sin AND turn 180 degrees around facing the opposite direction of that sin and you RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AWAY FROM IT AND TOWARDS GOD.  When you truly repent, you know that you might slip up again in the future, but you will try with everything in your being not to go near the place that will cause you to be tempted.

Making the choice to believe in what Christ did for us is as simple as allowing a creditor to cancel the debt that we owe them.  Essentially God is asking you, "Do you want to keep trying to earn your salvation or do you want me to give it to you for free?"  Do you want to keep making payments on a bill, or do you want your creditor to say to you, "You know what, our system is showing that your account has been paid in full.  Would you like that sent to you in writing?"  And just to make sure we get it, He gives it to us in writing with the scriptures in the bible.  This decision should be a "No Brainer" right?

Thanks to Jesus Christ, salvation is granted to us not based on our past successes or failures.  It has nothing to do with our percentage of "goodness".  (Since God's percentage of goodness is 100%, we would all fall short anyway.)  It becomes a simple matter of deciding whether or not to allow God to give you this gift which He so passionately prepared for you over 2,000 years ago. 

This story would not be complete without mentioning what happened 3 days after He was crucified.  This is the best part: God the Father raised Jesus Christ's physical body from the dead.  This fact was proven by many encounters that He had with people for several days.  He walked and talked with many people on the earth at that time.  A disciple named Thomas, doubted it was really Jesus, so the Lord allowed Him to place his hands in the wounds that Jesus still had from being nailed to the cross and pierced in His side.  He provided Thomas with evidence that he was not a ghost, but His body had literally been raised back to life from the dead.

The most exciting part of the story is this... Through faith in Christ, we have access to that same power that resurrected Him from the dead.  He has given us a divine promise that if we will accept this gift of salvation by confessing and living out true genuine FAITH in Christ, we too will spend eternity alive and in the glorious presence of God.  We will no longer live in our earthly bodies, but we will have new heavenly bodies that do not experience physical pain.  He will wipe away every tear from our eyes and we will never cry again. 

Having knowledge of this amazing good news, I cannot help but ask:

"Who's coming with me?"